3 Best Things You Must Do If You Want to Succeed in Anything

There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.” – Christopher Morley

3 fingers

 (Photo: Mutiara Karina)

Over the years I have spent a lot of time learning and thinking about why certain people succeed or become wealthy while others do not. Why do some reach their goals while others continue to struggle year after year? Why do some people climb to great heights while others quit or resort to mediocrity? After all my success, and many, many failures, I have summarized the 3 most important things I learned, mostly through trial and error.

So, if you want to become wealthy, be great with the opposite sex, lose weight, start a business, find your ideal mate or anything else you dream of, these are the 3 most important things I believe you must do if you want to succeed. Doing these things will help you reach your goal easier, quicker and with a lot less friction. So let’s get started: 

  1. Clearly Define What You Want.

Why this is important:

Most people never reach their goals because they don’t even know what it is they are after. A phrase like “I want to be rich” is too vague and meaningless, if you don’t clearly define it.

Life is a journey, you need to have a plan to go from here to somewhere else. Unless you know where that somewhere else is you will never reach it. When a pilot leaves JFK to fly to Heathrow he knows the exact coordinates of his destination.. He has a flight plan. No pilot ever flew out of NY trying to get to London with the vague idea that it’s somewhere East. By defining what you really want, it will help your conscious and subconscious to put a target on it and work towards it.

What to do:

Whatever it is your want, define it in the most specific ways that you can. The more detailed the better.

If you want to find an ideal soul mate, write out all the ideal traits you would want this person to have, write out how this person would react to you and how your life together would be. If you want to be wealthy write out exactly what that means. What are your possessions, how much money do you have in the bank what does your house look like.

Regardless of your dream, write out your ideal day. You wake up and open your eyes, what do you see? Who is next to you? Where are you living? What do you do next? How do you spend your day? Who are you with? What do you accomplish, what do you do in the evening? Write out in as much detail as you can. Spend at least an hour doing this. Now think about this every day before you go to sleep and when you wake up. At least once a week reread or edit what you have written.

  1. Remove any subconscious obstacles you have.

Why this is important:

If you put a gun to my head and said what is the one tip you can give me for becoming great, this would be it. Everything else is almost irrelevant. It’s only second chronologically; but it’s the most important obstacle to overcome.

Majority of the people never reach their goals because they are torn about actually getting it. They have two forces within them, a conscious one which wants them to succeed and another, their subconscious,which can prevent them from reaching their goals. This is the biggest obstacle that stands in your way. If you can take care of this one issue, you will succeed. If you do not, you will never succeed.

Your brain will keep you from becoming something that you hate. If you want to be rich, but on some level you believe that rich people are stuck up, or that they are evil or that they use people, then it will be extremely difficult for you to actually become wealthy.

If you want to be great with women but you look back at your high school or college days and believe that all the guys who were great with women where dumb A-holes then it will be extremely difficult for you to become great with women. If you want to be great with men but believe only fake, superficial bimbos are great with men, that will be a problem. Because you can’t become something you hate.

As a matter a fact, if you are struggling with money or do not have an abundance with the opposite sex, I can almost guarantee that you, at least on some level, have those beliefs.

You can read all the books about wealth or being social that you want, but unless you take care of this one huge roadblock you will just be spinning your wheels.

What to do:

Be as honest as possible. Write down all the negative beliefs you have about whatever it is you want and then tackle each belief through affirmations. The formula for this is very simple. Start with your belief then write out the complete opposite. So if your belief is “I think rich people are stuck up” your affirmation is “I believe rich people are giving and friendly” If you believe that “Guys who are great with women are brainless jocks” your affirmation is “Guys who are great with women are fun, thoughtful and caring”.

Then add affirmations that remove your particular road blocks about whatever it is you want. I call it “Blessing the thing you want”. You are thankful for the fact that others have what you want. For example, if you want to have a great social life you can write out “I love that there are guys who have abundance with women”. If you are lonely and want an ideal partner write out “I am happy that there are so many great couples who love each other”.

Pick one affirmation and write out 2 pages of it each day. Do the same affirmation or pick a new one whichever one speaks to you the most that day. And do this habitually and consistently every day.

  1. Quantify.

Why this is important:

You need to see the progress you are making in order to stay motivated and see what changes need to be made.

What to do:

Pick your goal and clearly measure your success (or failure) on a regular basis. Say your goal is to lose 50 pounds and you would like to lose 4 pounds a week. Take your goal and divide it by 2. Change losing 4 pounds a week to only 2 pounds a week. This is important because seeing slow progress is a lot more motivating than swinging for the fences and striking out. In the long run the difference between losing your weight in 4 months or 8 months will not be important but being frustrated and quitting after a month because you are not meeting your goals will surely derail you.

Now measure your progress on a regular basis to see if you are moving towards your goal or away from it. But remember as with any goal in life the progress is never linear. Sometimes it’s 2 steps forward 1 step back. Keep moving forward and you will succeed.

That’s it. The 3 most important things you need to help you reach any goal you desire. Give it a try and let me know how it works out.

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Taming the Black Dog: How to Hack Depression

I’ll never forget how the depression and loneliness felt good and bad at the same time. Still does.” ― Henry Rollins

blackdog

(Photo: Nesster)

The Grey Dog

When depression comes it should come bearing a fruit basket, so while you are contemplating the insignificance of your existence you can at least enjoy an apricot or two. But depression comes bearing neither produce nor an instruction manual to help us make sense of the suffering or even a way out.

I was depressed most of my childhood and through my early 20s. As I built a better life for myself, the depression slowly lifted but has not disappeared completely. It still shows up in my life every once in a while but over the years I learned to deal with it. It’s much like an annoying uncle who comes to visit uninvited and whose presence you disdain but yet have learned to tolerate.

I want to share some of ways I have learned to deal with depression and the things that have really helped me. Over the years I have found numerous tricks and shortcuts to minimize and even prosper from depression. Most of these ideas are from trial and error, self experimentation and paying attention – trying to observe my own depression as an outsider.

 The “Blah’s”


 

This depression comes every few months, it’s not really a depression but more of a “blah” feeling, where you just feel down and don’t have a lot of motivation to do things. You want to close the curtains and veg out. It’s not an overall depression but more of a semi numb feeling where you just have diminished enthusiasm. If it takes hold, it usually lasts a few days but most of the time I found that it can be avoided with the following.

 

  1. Exercise.
    This is one of those things that works almost without fail. Any type of workout I have found will improve my mood, but I have had better results after weight lifting than running. The workout does not have to be long at all 15 to 20 minutes of HIIT workout will usually do the trick. The positive feelings after a workout I have found to last usually the whole day and into the following day.

  2. Staying Busy or do the one thing you have been putting off.
    Staying busy and distracting yourself will most of the time improve your mood. But I found one of the best ways to feel better if you are depressed is to do the one thing which you have been putting off and have been dreading doing. Could be a phone call, could be taking care of a project you have been putting off or it could be taking your car to get an oil change. Whatever task that takes less than 2 hours to complete which you know you have to do at some point but been avoiding is the thing that you should do if you are down. I found that doing my dreaded task first thing in the morning really helps.

  3. Cleaning your place.
    I came across this trick by reverse engineering and seeing what I do once I come out of a depression. Cleaning my place was almost always one of the first things I do. I started experimenting and seeing if I can “trick” myself and feel better if I clean my place as soon as I start feeling depressed. This usually works, plus it’s much easier to feel down if your place is messy and dirty.

  4. Compliment people.
    I have found that if I say kind things to strangers when I am down I tend to feel better. Usually a kind word to a checkout clerk or someone who is not expecting a compliment improves my overall mood. You should always do kind things for strangers but I definitely noticed a lot bigger return when it is done when I am down.

  5. Being around people, no matter how painful it may be.
    The problem with doing any of the things I mentioned is that when you are down you really don’t feel like exercising, cleaning, doing hated tasks or being overly social. This is one of those things I found that you have to force yourself to do even if you hate it, especially first thing in the morning. Getting up and starting a routine as soon as you wake up I found to be key. Unfortunately, if you are feeling really, really down none of the things I mention will help, but more on that in a minute.


 

Here are the things that I have tried but had limited success with:

  1. Writing all the things you are grateful for and things that went right.
    Robert A. Emmons, of the University of California and Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami conducted a study where they instructed people to keep a journal listing five things for which they felt grateful for, like a great meal, great friends, something they’d learned or a sunset they’d enjoyed. The gratitude journal was brief and done only once a week, but after two months there were significant effects. Compared with a control group, the people keeping the gratitude journal were more optimistic and felt happier.
    Unfortunately, after trying this for a while I have not had the same results as the study group. (Still a good exercise to do even if you are not feeling down)

  2. Taking a Cold Shower.
    A 2008 study at the Virginia Commonwealth University School of Medicine found that depressed patients who were treated with cold showers showed a significant improvement in mood. The treatments consisted of cold showers that were 20°C for 2 to 3 minutes, performed once or twice daily over several months. I have tried this and it does work to some extent but if you are already down do you really want to step into a cold shower and be hosed off like some Alabama Freedom Walker? This is helpful but to me it was just not worth the sacrifice, especially when things like working out had more positive effect.

  3. Sleep.
    Sleep is really interesting. At times I found that if I am down and take an hour or two nap, I will feel better when I wake up, but other times I found that I actually feel worse and irritated. I have not been able to find a way to get constant positive results from napping.

  4. Happy Light.
    Chris Kresser had a very good article on using light therapy to fight Seasonal Affective Disorder. (SAD) I have tried this but have not been able to detect a clear positive pattern.

  5. Being outdoors and vitamin D.
    Studies indicate that there is a correlation between D levels and depression. I have found no difference over the years with my D levels being in the mid 20’s Ng/mL to close to 50 Ng/mL. I did find that being outdoors does increase my mood ever so slightly although usually the following day. Being outdoors for even an hour is equivalent to roughly 10,000 to 20,000 IU of vitamin D. I have found that taking a dose of 10,000 IU to 20,000 IU of Vitamin D, did not produce the same effect. So I think there is something besides Vitamin D which might attribute to the positive effect of being outdoors, or the body processes Vitamin D from sunshine in a different way compared to pill form.

Even though I had limited success with the things mentioned above your millage might vary so feel free to give them a try.

 The Black Dog


 

That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.” – Elizabeth Wurtzel

blackdog2

(Photo: Zebra Pares)

Winston Churchill, who battled with mental illness for most of his life, referred to his depression as the “Black Dog”. He was fearful of ending his life during his depressive episodes, saying “I don’t like standing near the edge of a platform when an express train is passing through. I like to stand right back and if possible get a pillar between me and the train. I don’t like to stand by the side of a ship and look down into the water. A second’s action would end everything. A few drops of desperation.”

It’s so easy for someone to question how can one of the greatest world leaders beloved by millions possibly be so depressed? Unfortunately, depression does not make a lot of sense, especially to people who have never experienced it.

I have been truly deeply depressed only about a half dozen times in my life, all the times came unexpectedly (although they tended to show up either around my birthday or around the holidays). The depression usually lasts about a week… but it’s a week of pure hell.

One of the most important things I learned when trying to figure out depression is that fighting it does not help. No amount of affirmations, “turning that frown upside down”, gratitude exercises and other self help crap works. The people who recommend those things clearly have never been truly depressed. When you are truly in the depth of depression even interacting with a checkout clerk at the supermarket is a painful ordeal. When you are truly depressed, depression is not something that happens to you, it is who you are and who you become. Everything is different, the sun does not shine as bright, and the world seems distant and unattached. You are not living but existing, going through the motions of life like a zombie, simply because you have done it before. But you are not really there. That is what real depression is.

My depression also comes with anxiety which is really the hardest part. Depression + Anxiety is a little like New Kids on the Block going on tour with The Backstreet Boys. They are horrible by themselves, but when combined, it makes for a really insufferable experience.

I can’t say that I was ever able to lift myself out of deep depression once it has set in, but I have found a few tricks to minimize its pain. Here is what helped me and what might help you.

  1. Reward yourself for being depressed.
    Stop thinking that there is anything I need to do or that there is very much that I could do. I accept that this is how I will be for the next week or so and don’t feel bad for feeling bad. I then give myself permission to do things that I deny myself when I am feeling good. In other words, I reward myself for being depressed. I watch dumb, brain numbing stuff on TV that I would never watch while being happy and productive (Hello Miami Vice reruns). I completely go off my healthy diet and eat whatever the hell I want. (I am looking at you Kit Kats and Nutella). I waste time extensively (Did someone say girl on girl porn?).
    I know that I am going on a trip to hell for about a week how can I make my voyage less painful? I do it by giving myself permission to be imperfect, lazy and unproductive and completely free.

  2. Know that you are in good company.
    Whenever I feel truly down, I look at my bookshelf and at my music collection and realized that pretty much everyone whom I respect has been where I am now. There are very few great artists, writers or people of any importance who have not suffered as much or more than I have. Depression gives me sensitivity and insight into the world that I would not have otherwise. I learned to never be ashamed of how I feel but wear my depression as a badge of honor during the time I am going through it, I am in good company.

  3. Pile on.
    When you are feeling truly down – everything sucks. You feel like a failure, you underrate your successes and concentrate only on your flaws and failures. This is natural part of depression along with the horrible feeling of helplessness. I have found that I get some relief if I feel that I have some ability to influence how I feel. Unfortunately, attempting to make me feel better never works but I found that I can get a little bit of power and control by having the ability to make myself feel worse. I will pile on and try to think of as much negative stuff as I can while being depressed. If depression makes me feel like a failure at one part of my life I like to find other parts of my life in which I am successful in and try to come up with reasons why I am a failure in those areas as well. This makes me feel worse which in effect makes me feel better because it gives me the power to see that I actually do have power in a powerless situation to influence how I feel (even if it’s for the negative). But my mind, just like a dog to which you fake throw a tennis ball, it figures out that I am messing with it. At which point, my brain catches on and says, “Yes, I know that you suck at this part of your life, but the other part you claim you suck at, I think you are trying to pull a fast one on me because you are not as bad as you claim, let me show you why….” This in turn generates positive thoughts which are a warm relief.

  4. Be anxious about something else.
    To me the depression is not the hard part it’s the anxiety which seems to fixate on something, build it up and make it real. What I found interesting is that each time I have had one of my depressive episodes it’s always ONE thing that I am anxious about never TWO or THREE. I have found that I can minimize the anxiety if I pick another thing to obsess about. Here is a simple example of how this would work in reference to something that probably everyone has experienced. Let’s say you are driving and you have this anxiety because you feel you left the oven on. No matter what, you do you keep obsessing about the oven. In this situation pick another thing which might be even more real and try obsessing on that. Here what the inner dialogue might sound like: “Yes, I know I probably left the oven on and it will burn down the whole house, but I also forgot to lock the front door which means that I will probably be robbed first and then the house will burn down.” Try to fixate and come up with all the reasons why you left your door unlocked and why you will most likely be robbed. For some strange reason in my case, anxiety only latches onto one thing and is not capable of handling two separate items. This seems to have power to short circuit the anxiety and minimizes it’s powers.

  5. Do the Math.
    Let’s go back to the made up anxiety example where you start obsessing about leaving the oven on. One thing that helps is to do the math on the problem. If you are away from home and you are obsessing about leaving the oven on and you think your place will burn down, do a simple calculation. What are the odds that there will be a house fire? Well, if there were roughly 500,000 house fires last year and there are roughly 150,000,000 homes in the US that means that my odds of me having a house fire is roughly 1 in 300 this year. I then compare it to something for which I do not have any anxiety over such as driving. There were 6 million car accidents last year and there are roughly 250,000,000 cars in the US. So the odds of me getting into a car accident this year are roughly 1 in 41. The odds are much greater that I will get into a car accident than have a fire in my place and if I am not anxious about something which has a much greater odds of happening then why should I be anxious about something which is much less likely to happen? Breaking things up mathematically really helps put things in perspective. As one enlightened person once said to me “The thing that ultimately gets you is never the thing you fear or obsess about, it’s usually completely unexpected”. So stop worrying.

  6. Finally from Eckhart Tolle’s advice about living in the moment and being the observer of your life.
    I found that to some extent depression and anxiety can be relived if you try to separate yourself from your depression and try to focus on being the observer who watches and views himself going through depression from the outside. Like Jane Goodall studying the chimps, become the person who watches and studies and takes notes as an outsider, observing what is happening to you. This has been very helpful and it’s also the root of all spiritual enlightenment.

If you are depressed, seek help and know that you are going through what hundreds of millions of people have gone through before you over the centuries. You are no different and you are not a special and unique snow flake. Your suffering is ordinary.

Whatever it is you want to accomplish in life, it is hard to do without having enthusiasm for it. If you lack enthusiasm because you are depressed, I would devote a lot of time to trying to fix that first. See what others have done and do a lot of self experimentation. Approach depression like you would a puzzle which has a solution that is unique to you and remember that the answers are out there.

Michael Page

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101 Tips on Becoming Great

“I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.” – Muhammad Ali  

if you want to become great

(Photo: *Eddie)

Ever since I got out of high school I have been keeping track of anything I come across which I think could benefit me. Whether it is a saying, an insight, or a different way of viewing the world, I was looking for anything which might help me to become better. Over the years, I have accumulated notebooks and spreadsheets full of things categorized by different topics. I want to share as much as I can with you.

Many of these tips are things I figured out on my own, a lot are quotes and ideas I came across over years of reading, listening and thinking. I tried to give credit where credit is due, but many ideas are without attribution only because I did not write them down at the time and came back to them after some reflection.

I hope one or two ideas might change the way you view the world and your life and I hope that there is something in my writings which will help you become the best you.


 

1) To reach greatness I must let the Universe lead me to it, not me or my ego


 

2) “As long as you live keep learning how to live” – Seneca


 

3) “Dare to Be Naive” – Buckminster Fuller on becoming wise


 

4) “Courage is a muscle that can be built up” – Theodore Roosevelt


 

5) After success is the most dangerous time, because it allows you to rest and to believe that the formula is correct. It might not be. Always be willing to start from scratch after every success.


 

6) All the fears and challenges are not with anything in the world, they are inside of me. If I can battle them and win, my success will follow.


 

7) Always act confident and confidence will come.


 

8) Always be a graceful loser, people remember it.


 

9) Always be free to reinvent yourself.


 

10) Always give a positive label to whatever I am doing.


 

11) Always pretend that I am 7 and I don’t have to go to school even though it’s a school day. What would I do today? This creates more creativity and better thinking.


 

12) Always welcome change.


 

13) Anything I don’t fully enjoy I will never be great at.


 

14) Avoid extreme ideology.


 

15) Avoid people who use the word “Should”. Such as “The world Should be a certain way”. They are not mature and do not accept life and its circumstances.


 

16) Be an Artist. Create something even if it’s not very good.


 

17) Be aware of same race bias. We are more likely to believe someone of the same race regardless of the facts.


 

18) Be comfortable being uncomfortable.


 

19) Be comfortable in not knowing what will happen next.


 

20) Be open to anything, don’t dismiss any new idea right away.


 

21) Be patient. Anything that I want and don’t yet have is due to me not accepting it in my subconscious yet.


 

22) Before attempting something write down all the excuses I can come up with and then write down why those excuses are bullshit.


 

23) Big people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about people.


 

24) “Biggest hinderance to reach greatness is ego sensitivity to finding out if you are right or wrong and identifying ones strengths and weaknesses” – Ray Dalio


 

25) Champions are made when nobody is watching.


 

26) Confidence comes from doing things that go against the grain of society and being comfortable with it. Break out of the “This is what is expected” routine.


 

27) Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyways.


 

28) Don’t be realistic – dream the crazy dreams.


 

29) Don’t avoid things I fear. Admit it and take steps.


 

30) Don’t focus on things I can’t change.


 

31) Don’t mistake my traits for who I am. I am a fluid entity, be willing to change.


 

32) Don’t trade comfort for change. Be willing to let go of the comfort of the familiar (crappy job, bad relationship) for change. The ability to let go of toxic comfort quickly determines success.


 

33) Don’t try to be too perfect. That energy takes away from creative energy I need.


 

34) Embrace my fears fully. “Hug the Monster”.


 

35) Face your fear and the death of fear is near.


 

36) Fill my life with sensual pleasures of all kind.


 

37) God is in the uncertainty.


 

38) Hard work is only hard work if it has no meaning.


 

39) Ask how would I live my life if nobody ever told me how to live my life?


 

40) I can do a lot if I just look past the fear and see what’s on the other side.


 

41) I need to be open to all possibilities. Be open to other possible realities.


 

42) In any endeavor he who loves it the most usually wins.


 

43) In order to get something I first need it to feel natural.


 

44) It’s easier to avoid trouble than get out of it.


 

45) Key to life is to learn to be comfortable in the uncertainty of life.


 

46) Leaders need to know when to become followers, and followers need to know when to become leaders.


 

47) Live everyday like I just started over; be free and feel excited about trying new things.


 

48) Make eye contact with everyone especially people of authority.


 

49) Never be afraid to die because you’re born to die.


 

50) Never try to impress other people by imitating them, it just creates a weaker version of them and they will hate you since it represents their insecurities.


 

51) Nothing great ever comes into the world without enthusiasm.


 

52) People who are great always take the blame and know why things went wrong when they do. Average people lay blame. Always have a good idea and a plan and look honestly why a plan might not have worked.


 

53) People who are successful have a clear vision on what they need to do and can picture themselves doing it even if they have never done it before. Do the same.


 

54) Push myself hard and then tell myself I am the best.


 

55) Push myself outside my comfort zone each day.


 

56) Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you.


 

57) Relive each day and see what I would have done differently and replay the good version in my mind.


 

58) Resist Nothing.


 

59) See myself as the best person I want to become and commit to it fully.


 

60) Seek enthusiasm and passion for life.


 

61) Studies show that people perform better when relaxed. So try staying relaxed in stressful situations.


 

62) Surround myself with beauty.


 

63) Surround myself with people better than me and role models.


 

64) Take what I want to happen and in detail write in out to make in happen that way.


 

65) The abundance of things I receive is normal. It’s the way things should be.


 

66) The best predictor of success is optimism. Always focus on being optimistic.


 

67) The big stuff is just as easy to manifest as the small stuff. It’s all in feeling worthy of it.


 

68) The key to life is to lose larger and larger battles. It means I am learning.


 

69) The most dangerous circumstance is getting comfortable cheating a little, since it leads to big cheats.


 

70) The only thing that keeps me from getting anything I want is the story I tell myself about it.


 

71) The secret to life is not to take your life personally.


 

72) The voice that I talk to myself in my head determines my mood. So use calm positive voice.


 

73) There are no good or bad people only teachers.


 

74) There’s nobody here to save me. To get what I want I have to go out and get it myself.


 

75) Thinking you are the shit or a piece of shit, takes the same amount of ego energy.


 

76) To be a leader, strive for excellence have a vision be more passionate and be willing to take on the worst jobs.


 

77) To be good at anything you can’t rely on what you did in the past. You can never look back. Don’t get attached to the past.


 

78) To be great at something you must be clear and view it as something playful and fun with no negative thoughts.


 

79) To decide if I should do something distract myself and then think of the problem again and go with the gut instinct at that time. Scientists found this is the most accurate way to come to a correct decision.


 

80) To feel like I own the room. Walk in and pretend to touch all 4 walls with my hands. Breathe in the space.


 

81) To get something, picture it clearly in your mind while smiling and meditate on it.


 

82) To go anywhere first I have to be most brutally honest about my current situation because then I will improve.


 

83) To have a great life assume that everyone you meet is your friend and wants only the best for you.


 

84) To overcome fear of something, act like you are not afraid of it and soon it will be so.


 

85) Try new ways of thinking about what I want to improve. I can always go back to the old ways of thinking if it does not work out.


 

86) We are what we think. Think positive things.


 

87) Whatever I am lacking, write how grateful I am about it and that others have it.


 

88) Whatever I focus on will grow, focus on positive things.


 

89) When arguing appeal to interest not logic.


 

90) Whenever I gossip I pull myself down not the other person. If I catch myself gossiping always end with something positive to say about that person.


 

91) Whenever I am trying something scary. Stay with it until the fear and anxiety is reduced at least by half.


 

92) When someone gets what I want be happy for them. That’s the only way to get it.


 

93) When talking to a stranger, be positive in describing anyone, they will then assign those qualities to you.


 

94) Write down all things that hold me back.


 

95) Write down things that I want in personal terms and read it when I wake up and when I go to sleep.


 

96) You can always push yourself to do more. If someone else was pushing me (coach) I would do a lot more. Be that coach to myself.


 

97) You can only learn from a mistake you admit.


 

98) You can only take on a strong position when you can argue for the opposite of what you believe better than the person who supports that idea.


 

99) You have to be willing to get to the truth so badly that you are willing to humiliate yourself to get it.


 

100) You need to be able to give up freely the thing you want the most.


 

101) You only start living when you lose the fear of dying.


 

Michael Page

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The Big Fallacy Of Believing That Your S#*T Day Job Will Somehow Lead You To Your Dream Life – How To Get From Here To Where You Want To Be.

“How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 8:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? ” – Charles Bukowski

(Photo: Mark Sebastian)

One of the worst times of my life, (besides high school) was in my early 20s, when I had day jobs that I hated. I always felt out of place. I was surrounded by people eager and excited to work and complete the job at hand and I could never understand how they did it. It’s not that I physically or mentally could not do the job, it’s just I never understood the enthusiasm and the drive they had to do something that never seemed very important to me. I could never trick myself into caring or thinking that meeting some arbitrary sales quota or goal was more important than a day out of my life. This is probably the reason I sucked at every job I ever worked at besides those that I had a direct stake in.

For many years I persevered in crappy day jobs. Jobs I despised and was bad at, dreaming of the ideal life I wanted to lead. One of the saddest things I remember from that time is seeing the cubicles of my co-workers, who also hated their jobs as much as I did, but somehow managed to trick and convince themselves into caring and giving it their all. Their cubicles were lined with posters and snap shots of things they really wished they were doing, their passions. It was pictures of them skiing or playing golf in some exotic location, or relaxing on some island get-away vacation they had. To me it all seemed so cruel, like being stuck in a prison cell with a view on the free and happy world. I never understood why these people put so much energy into their day job instead of putting their energy into making plans to escape and pursue their real dreams and passions. To me it was always a no brainer.

Things have not changed much. Every Friday I see so many people on Facebook posting “TGIF”. If you are in such a vortex of hell that the only sliver of joy you get in your life is the weekend, that is not a reason to celebrate it is a reason to be sad and reevaluate the decisions you have made from birth till now.

There are many arguments you can make and you can come up with excuses why you want to stay where you are. They are all valid and I am not here to argue with you. I’m here to ask you to look at the life you are leading now and ask you if the life you are leading now sucks, then why do you think tomorrow will be different?

Break the pattern. Below are the 5 steps I would recommend to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

  • Define the life you truly want.

Be as specific as possible. Try to picture what your life will be like when you get to where you want to be. Write it out in as much detail as possible. Be able to see it, smell it and taste it.

  • Feel that you are deserving of it and have the right to it.

Remove people from your life who are negative and who don’t support your goals and dreams. They unconsciously sabotage you into believing that you are not good enough to have what you desire. To get whatever it is you desire you have to believe that you are fully deserving of it. This is crucial.

  • Believe that you will be a lot happier once you achieve your goals.

Have absolutely no negative thought or emotions about what you want. See that your life will be a lot better in all aspects once you get what you desire and that any actions you take towards your goal is better than staying where you currently are. 

  • Come up with a plan to try to get there.

It does not have to be a perfect plan, as a matter of fact, when you finally arrive you will see the route you took will be a lot different than the one you planned. But having an imperfect plan is still better than having no plan at all and wishing that tomorrow will be somehow different.

  • Don’t get discouraged about how long it takes.

If tomorrow you are even an inch closer to the life you truly want you have succeed. Remember progress is never a straight line. It’s always 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Don’t get discouraged – every step gets you closer to your goal.

If you have a job you despise or maybe even tolerate don’t fool yourself into thinking that things will change without you taking steps to change it. Even if you go out and pursue your dreams and you fail, what have you really lost? You will always be able to find another crappy day job (which may even be better than the one you have now), but if you don’t you will suffer indefinitely. Take a chance, life is short.

Michael Page

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Seeing Through the Matrix – The Difference Between What You Think You Want And What You Truly Want.

You can’t always get what you want” – Rolling Stones


(Photo: Stuck in Customs)

One of the most important underlying points of my writings is the idea that to be successful, you have to view the world and yourself differently. You need to be able to see through the matrix. In other words, if you think like everyone else, you will get the results of everyone else. To get extraordinary results, you need to think differently and only after that, everything else will follow.

The Law of Attraction says that “like attracts like.” If you think positively, you will get positive results; if you think negatively, you will get negative results. Many people mistake that to mean that the universe is there to give them that which they desire. I have not found that to be totally true. I have found that the universe is not there to give you what you desire, but instead is there to give you what you desire, but can at the same time handle.

Let’s take the two areas that I have had abundance in: women and money. If you ask a typical man to list out what things they desire most, I can almost guarantee that women and money would be somewhere in the top five. But if that is the case, why is the law of attraction not working in their favor? Why are most people living in scarcity, not abundance when it comes to their dating life and money? The answer is that the Law of Attraction IS working, but it is giving them what they truly desire and what would make them happy, not what they think they desire and what they think would make them happy.

Let’s take women, for example. If you ask a typical guy if he would want to date a swimsuit model, almost all will say “yes.” But the truth of the matter is that the true answer is NO. An average guy would not be able to date a woman who is too far out of his league. And by league, I do not mean looks, I mean personal and sexual confidence. When an average guy dates a truly beautiful woman, even if the woman is really into him, he eventually finds a way to sabotage the relationship. The guy usually starts getting jealous and becomes more and more controlling till the relationship disintegrates. I have seen this over and over and over again. So when the average guy says he wants to date a truly beautiful woman, the fact is that subconsciously he does not. What he truly wants and what he thinks he wants are two completely different things.

Let’s look at money. Everyone says they want to be rich, but is that the truth? The answer again is NO.

Let’s look at lotto winners. If you asked every single lotto winner before they hit the jackpot if they wanted to be rich, I can guarantee that 100 percent of them would have said “yes.” Yet almost 70 percent of lotto winners will go broke [1] after they become rich. Why does this happen? It happens because when people who don’t have a prosperity consciousness come into large amount of money, they tend to get rid of it quickly because subconsciously they feel more comfortable and happier being poor. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but the stats do not lie. What they truly want and what they think they want are two completely different things.

So if you live in scarcity and feel that you want to be rich and date beautiful women, the truth of the matter is that you subconsciously probably don’t, else you would already have it. If both of those things fell into your lap tomorrow, there’s a very large chance that you would find a way to sabotage it and be right back where you are now. But that is what is so great about how the universe works. The universe is really there to serve you. It gives you what you truly want, not what you think you want. And what’s even better is that to get what you want in life, the most important thing that is required of you is for you to change your thinking.

You need to feel deserving of the things you truly want and make them the things you want. The quicker you can align what you truly want and what you want, the quicker they will come into your life. The quicker you can get rid of any negative connotations you might have, no matter how small towards that which you want, the quicker you will have it.

For me, affirmations and visualizations are the best way I found to make that happen, and I attribute the majority of my success to it. I will have more to say on affirmations and visualizations in later articles.

In life, you probably won’t get what you want, but you will get what you truly want, feel deserving of and can handle, and it will usually come with very little effort.

Change your thinking, and everything will fall into place. Start seeing through the matrix.

Michael Page


Reference:

1. Financial planners: Winning the lottery isn’t always a dream

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How to Make Your Life More Positive by Cutting Out the Negative.

“Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves” – Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

(Photo: Ben Rimmer)

Once a Pope, after marveling at the statue of David, asked Michelangelo, “How did you know what to cut away?” Michelangelo replied, “It’s simple. I just remove everything that doesn’t look like David.”

Creating a positive life for yourself is very similar; you need to cut away things which are negative. Below are just some of the tips I discovered along the way to help remove a lot of the negativity from my life. Visualize the life that you want and remove everything that does not fit in it.
Let’s get started:

1) LESS TV – That 42 inch box in your house is one of the biggest enemies you can have. Pretend for a second that the television in your house is actually a living person: What qualities would it have? What would it talk to you about? That person would be sensationalizing everything; he would be manic depressive, not particularly bright, vacuous, narcissistic with a very short attention span, and he would never want to go out or do anything. Now imagine spending four hours a day with this person, day after day. For the most part, 90 percent of what you see on television is negative, with an amazing ability to comfortably numb you to keep you from following your dreams. Stop watching TV, unless it’s something educational or inspiring like a documentary or a really good movie. And do this only rarely. And most of all—NO REALITY SHOWS! Stop living vicariously through the lives of other people—become the person others want to emulate.

2) LESS NEWS – This is related to Less TV, but a little different. First ask yourself a question: If you stop watching the news, how long will it be before something that happens in the world would actually affect you directly? Outside of the weather and traffic (which you can find out in seconds from the web), most everything else is pretty irrelevant and has no direct connection to your life. It’s good to be informed and know what’s going on in the world, but the majority of the news you see is overdramatized negativity. Outside of a few dumb “feel good stories,” like the dog who skateboards or a farmer who grows the world’s largest pumpkin, everything else is negative stuff that happens in the world.
If you want to know about the world, try to get it from more unbiased news sources, like National Public Radio or a respected newspaper, which supplies data in a more intelligent fashion and asks you to think not feel. A good rule of thumb is to avoid any news source which spends more time giving more opinions than facts.


(Photo: RockCreek)

3) AVOID NEGATIVE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE – This is an obvious one but often overlooked. I always tell guys who are on the path of improving their lives to be prepared to lose friends. Which is, in a way, saying be prepared to lose people who you thought were your friends. Here is a simple test you can do. Lie down, close your eyes and visualize the life you really want (the girlfriend, the house, the cars, the lifestyle), and now visualize throwing a big party and inviting all your friends and family there. Now think of who would be truly happy and supportive of your success, and who would be jealous (even slightly)? Now cut out or limit your interaction with people who would not be supportive of your success. This is a very important one.

4) YOU DON’T OWE ANYTHING TO YOUR PARENTS – This one is very, very big, and it’s something practically nobody talks about. Some of the most negative people in your life could be your own family. It’s hard to limit your interactions with them without feeling a great deal of guilt. Well, I am here to say “You Don’t Owe Anything to Your Parents” if they consistently belittle and sabotage you. Remember giving birth and taking care of you for 18 years does not give your parents the right to treat you like shit for the next 20. If you don’t feel good about yourself after spending time with anyone in your family, it’s perfectly ok to limit your interactions with them. If they ask (which they will) why you are having less contact with them, simply say, “Because when I am around you, I don’t feel good about myself; I don’t know why it is; do you have any ideas? I want to spend more time with you, but I always feel bad about myself afterwards; what can we do about this?” Let them come up with an answer. There is nothing in those two sentences which is not true, so don’t be afraid to say it and ask it. A happy life is an honest life, and that includes being honest with yourself and others.

5) NOT DOING THE THINGS YOU LOVE – One of the saddest things I see every week on Facebook are people posting “TGIF.” If you have a job that is so bad that you have to be thankful for Friday to come around, it should be a sign to do something else with your life. Why are you not following your dreams, but choosing to instead work 40 hours a week at a job you hate? So one day after many years of doing something you hate, you can be promoted and make slightly more money working 60 hours a week with more responsibilities at the same hateful job. Get on the path and follow your dream, trust the universe to take care of you.

6) LESS YOU HAVE, THE MORE YOU OWN – Clean up your place; there’s nothing worse than coming home to a messy place. Start throwing out things you don’t use or need; trust me, it will be hard at first, but it will make a world of difference. If it’s too overwhelming, start with one corner of the room and do a small section each day. Hire a cleaner, for under $200, your place will be amazing. If possible, allow more sunlight into your place. This also means throwing out crappy clothes. Fill your life with more beauty, even if it means spending a little more money.

If you want to know what other negative things to cut out of your life, just take a vacation for a week to ten days, to someplace beautiful, someplace where you really enjoy yourself. On the last day of your vacation, sit down and write down all the things that you dread coming back to (a bad job, negative friends, bad neighborhood, messy house, etc.). Now, one by one, cut out or try to solve each of those negative things.

Life is too short…live your dream.

Michael Page 

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The Difference Between Good and Great – Seeing through the Matrix

“Fuck what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that’s your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life ” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club

(Photo: Eneas)

Becoming rich for me was a lot easier than learning to become more social or making myself more attractive to women. But pretty quickly, I started to see striking similarities in the formula about becoming great with both. If you are great in any one area, you can be great in another. And if you are great in neither, you can become great in both, since the formula is the same. You just need to see the world in a way that most people do not. You just need to be able to see through the matrix.

If you can emulate what successful people do, you will be good; if you emulate how successful people think, you will be great.

So who is Great?

One thing I learned along my journey is that the people who I once thought were rich or great with women turned out to be completely different people, once I became rich and good with women. People tend to create their heroes based on their prism of reality. Once my reality changed, I soon started to see the vast difference between who I thought was great and who really is great.

For example, if we went into a restaurant or a party and I asked a typical person to pick out who the richest man in the crowd was, most would pick out the man who was the best dressed, who had the nicest watch, or had the nicest car. That’s the typical thinking of most people who do not have prosperity consciousness. To me, the guy with the best watch or best suit is an amateur. It usually is the person who wants everyone to believe he is rich. People like that tend to make decent money, but also spend a great deal of it keeping the illusion going. They are usually only one or two paychecks away from losing everything. That is not true wealth, that is what a poor man thinks a rich man should look and act like. The really rich person is the one who most will never spot in the room. It’s the person who wears average clothes, drives an average car, and has nothing to prove to the world or you. If you tend to think I am wrong, read The Millionaire Next Door, which profiles the typical millionaire and his or her lifestyle. You will find that most millionaires (especially self-made ones) are usually never easy to pick out from the crowd, and they never flaunt their money.

For example, if you did not know any better, who would you think is wealthier.

This guy?

(Photo: Bondidwhat?)

Or any of these guys?

(Photo:Joi’s)

The person in the top picture is most likely rich, but I am pretty certain that his wealth is probably not even one thousandth of the people above.

The same holds true for men who are really good with women. If you ask a typical man to pick out who in the crowd is best with women, they will usually pick out either the best-looking guy or the richest. In reality, the man who is great with women is not the best-looking one and almost never the richest. It is the guy who a typical man would never suspect. It is the guy who’s not trying at all; it’s the guy who has sexual confidence, who knows he can have whatever he wants but never seems like he is trying. These guys usually go completely under the radar of a typical man. As a matter of fact, the only people who can spot them are women; other guys are great with women and gay men who tend to be a lot more sexually aware. But to an average man, they are just another face in the crowd.

Here are the basic differences between people who are good and those who are great. As you can see the similarities are striking.

Trait

People who have slight or no abundance with money

People who have true abundance with money

People who have slight or no abundance with women

People who have true abundance with women

How do they talk? Tend to tell you how great their business is or what new item they purchased. Tend to talk more about how they are doing compared to what they are doing. Rarely talk about their success or wealth. Tend to talk about who they had sex with and about their love life more than the average person. Rarely if ever discuss their love life or success with women.
What does an average person see when they see them? A successful rich person. A confident, but average person. An outgoing confident guy who is either good-looking or rich. A confident, but average person.
How do they view prosperity and abundance? Something that they can talk about and show off. Reaffirms and keeps the illusion going. Just another thing that is expected. Something they can talk about to their friends. Reaffirms and keeps the illusion going. Just another thing that is expected.
More likely to lie about? More likely to lie about his wealth, what he is doing, and how successful he is. More likely to lie and underplay his wealth, what he is doing and his successes. More likely to tell you he had sex with someone, even if he did not. More likely to tell you that he did not have sex with someone, even if he did.

 

So moving forward, realize that people you might have been looking up to are not nearly as good as you think they are. For the most part, most people who are truly great are much easier to spot by other people who are very good in that area, but might appear completely average to a typical person. As you become better, you will start to see the difference between the good and the great a lot clearer.

Don’t model yourself after the good; model yourself after the great. And don’t worry about emulating what they do; that is not nearly as important as emulating how they think.

 Michael Page

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Your Dream Life In 60 Minutes Or Less

“Some will sell their dreams for small desires “ – Neil Peart

(Photo: wildlifewanderer)

There’s an old tale about two men, walking through the plains, when all of a sudden they see a hungry lion running in their direction. Shocked and in horror upon seeing the approaching lion, the first man takes off his nap sack, takes out a pair of sneakers and starts putting them on. Upon seeing this, the second man yells out, “What are you doing? Why are you putting on your sneakers? You will never be able to outrun that lion!” To which the first man replies, “I don’t need to be able to outrun the lion; I just need to be able to outrun you.”

Life works the same way. You don’t really need to be the very best to get an unproportional amount of success in the world. As a matter of fact, being simply better than most over time will put you miles ahead of everyone else.

The good news is that to be better than most is not very difficult. As a matter of fact, the very point that you are reading this and are trying to improve your life puts you ahead of 90 percent of the people who won’t even take the first step.


THE AVERAGE AMERICAN VS. YOU

But let’s take a closer look at your “competition” with a description of the average American:

• Watches four hours of television a day1
• Is 23 pounds overweight2
• Has only a 20 percent chance of belonging to a gym3
• Eats fast food about twice a week4
• Has about a 16 percent chance of exercising daily5
• Consumes an average of 50 gallons of soda a year6
• Eats 24 pounds of candy a year7
• Consumes 20 teaspoons of added sugar a day8
• Spends about 46 minutes a day commuting9

Is it really that surprising why an average person is unhappy about his or her life, body, sexual attractiveness and financial situation?


IT’S EASY TO BE BETTER THAN MOST (YOU DON’T NEED TO OUTRUN THE LION)

What if during your commute, you did not listen to music or talk radio like the average American, but instead listened to an audio book about someone or something that inspires you ? How much would those 46 minutes a day add up to after a year?

How much better would you feel and look if you simply stopped consuming crappy food?

What if instead of watching four hours of TV a day, you spent only three and spent the extra hour pursuing your dreams and trying to better yourself?

The sad truth is that it is very easy to be better than an average person because the average person has given up chasing his or her dreams and now lives in the state of comfortable mediocrity. A state of existing—not living.

If you spent even an hour a day pursuing the life you truly want and the person you want to become, given enough time, you will surpass the masses. If you spent two hours a day, it will happen even sooner.

I am not the smartest, the best looking; I don’t have the best body; I am not the hardest working, and I am not the most outgoing or social. But I have been able to surpass most by the mere fact that I never stopped trying to improve my life, and who I am as a person. It’s amazing how much further that puts you given enough time. The reason for my success is not that I do a lot, but that most do so little.

To achieve the life you truly want, you do not need to be perfect or even great; you just need to do a little more than most, and you will reap the rewards that most never will. Never stop trying to improve your life and yourself. Small steps add up faster than you realize.

Michael Page 

FOOTNOTES:


1. Television & Health
2. Overweight is the new normal
3. Are You an Average Man?
4. Eating At Fast-Food Restaurants More Than Twice Per Week Is Associated With More Weight Gain And Insulin     Resistance In Otherwise Healthy Young Adults
5. Less Than a Fifth of Americans Exercise on Average Day
6. Average American Stats
7. Average American Stats
8. America By The Numbers
9. Americans Now Spend Over 100 Hours a Year Commuting 

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